December 2010
1 post
seventy-five.
post-marriage: garnerisms.tumblr.com
November 2009
2 posts
seventy-four.
i feel like I’m the type a guy people want to invite to bar-b-ques.
September 2009
2 posts
seventy-two.
T: i'm gonna be goro for halloween. You know, from mortal combat?
B: i thought we had a plan?
: :pause::
T: how about you walk around and i'll stand behind and be your arms
all night.
seventy-one.
tyler. say something funny.
August 2009
3 posts
seventy.
people on welfare are better off than us.
sixty-eight.
you look like an inside out fart.
sixty-seven.
we need more lemon pledge.
July 2009
4 posts
sixty-six.
look at my hair…i got a faux-hawk in my sleep. now i’m ready to cagefight.
sixty-five.
b: latoya thinks michael was murdered.
t: it was bubbles in the parlor with the leadpipe!
b: there was no parlor in clue…
t: there was no bubbles either.
sixty-four.
let’s put mary murphy and paula abdul in a room and see who comes out alive.
June 2009
7 posts
sixty-three.
you’re the jill to my tim. you’re the deborah to my ray. you’re the rita to my dexter.
sixty-two.
what’s the name of this show…jon and fake plus eight?
sixty-one.
what’s the difference between solution and answer?
sixty.
babe, let’s buddle.
fifty-nine.
lucy thinks she’s playing GUTS and you’re the agrocrag.
fifty-eight.
bozo one of the tables.
fifty-seven.
miss nancy the love cactus.
May 2009
22 posts
fifty-six.
a jeep is like a mullet……business in the front, party in the back.
fifty-five.
don’t be afraid to poop at work!
fifty-four.
I can tell you that I love you less now than I will in a second.
fifty-three.
i like this seat, because my ass can hang off and no one can hear or feel my gas
fifty-two.
if I ever leave this world alive…
fifty.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/73360/saturday-night-live-lawrence-welk
forty-nine.
plate tectonics.
forty-eight.
i put squirrels in my bed. i put mustard in my bed.
forty-seven.
that better not be your penis in my back…
forty-six.
i think old people have early appointments to get home in time for the price is right.
forty-five.
pajeejee pants.
forty-four.
i was hoping i was going to wake up with a six pack.
forty-three.
orland, ca the senior center’s on walker street….
forty-one.
via msn:
t.g. says:
1. today will be fine.
2. tacos and a movie tonight
3. manny is suspended
4. i love you to death
5. my mom just called
thirty-nine.
b: i like the black one better.
t: that's what she said.
thirty-eight.
get an ugly girl to marry YOU.
thirty-five.
t: …you are a strong and beautiful woman. i don’t deserve you. not in this life, or before or after.
April 2009
7 posts
thirty-four.
i wouldn’t fuck with a bald guy in jorts.
thirty-three.
for your health.
thirty-two.
oh, my lantern.
thirty-one.
send us your bones. for your technologies.
thirty.
want some spare perfection?
twenty-nine.
i pretty much think i’m just like zane. except people laugh at him.
March 2009
3 posts
twenty-seven.
via text:
t: If you wanna get down ooon these hairy balls, why don’t jump right innnn, cause there’s a crotch party right up in heeerreee, hop on this big jjoooohhnnson
b: you are out of control
t: i don’t think that you fully appreciate the parameters of my vocalizer.
twenty-six
thank you for leaving your job for me. drunkasses.